Hugs

Hugging has multiple identified benefits. Physically, hugging lowers blood pressure, lowers the heart rate, facilitates healing, reduces pain, balances the nervous system, relaxes the body, increases energy, improves concentration, and promotes better sleep. Socially, hugging decreases loneliness, aids in social bonding, promotes trust, and strengthens interpersonal connections. Emotionally, hugging makes people feel happy, wards off depression, soothes fears, promotes calmness, and reduces stress and anxiety. Hugged children benefit into their adult lives, and hugged seniors benefit through the end of their lives. Physical touch benefits people by adjusting levels of oxytocin, dopamine, seratonin, and cortisol. Virginia Satir, a family therapist states: "We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth."

Two realizations can provide some parameters for considering hugs (and other physical contact). First, people without God perceive a greater need for hugs, as they try to replace with human interactions everything that God can supply. Even significant interaction with people cannot match or replace the interaction with God. Second, God made both the human body and the emotions. The benefits of hugging are not accidental, but are by God's plan. Guided by these two factors, a Christian should recognize the God-intended value of hugging, while not depending upon it as desperately as the world does.

The majority of hugging takes place within a family, between spouses or between parents and children. Where do people without a family (or without family nearby or with a dysfunctional family) get hugs? The simple answer is that God actually describes the church as a family. The bond between brothers and sisters in Christ can transcend that of biological family. "Now as to the love of the brethren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another" (I Thessalonians 4:9).

God intends for members of a church to meet each other's needs. "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:1). Christ's new law to His followers was "that you love another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another" (John 13:34). Christians should desire and aid the well-being of others. "But whoever has the world's goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth" (I John 3:17-18).

God makes powerful statements about love in the church. "Fervently love one another from the heart" (I Peter 1:22). "Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another" (I Peter 4:8). "This I pray, that your love may abound still more and more" (Philippians 1:9). "May the Lord cause you to increase and abound in love for one another" (I Thessalonians 3:12).

God wants believers to love one another fervently, increasingly, and demonstratively. One might argue (correctly) that he can do that without physical displays of affection, but even the Bible encourages physically-expressed love. "Greet one another with a kiss of love" (I Peter 5:14). Hugging is an appropriate and common cultural equivalent.

Hugs (and other touches) communicate, usually positively. Hugs can communicate each of the following Biblically-appropriate sentiments.

• I greet you as my sister in Christ.
• I'm glad to see you.
• I love you.
• I'm sorry.
• I forgive you.
• Thank you.
• Congratulations.
• I'm happy for your good news.
• I sympathize with your loss.
• I care that you are hurting.
• I realize it's hard to be in a spiritual (or emotional) battle.
• I'm here for you.
• I'll miss you.
• Goodbye.

Hugs can also communicate negatively. Some people's hugs are so stiff that it seems they are trying to hug from across the room. Other hugs are obviously obligatory. Hugs can be given from mindless routine, without even looking at the recipient, or while already moving toward another person or activity. These hugs can actually be hurtful. Beyond failing to communicate the positive sentiments in the list above, they actually assert, "I don't want to hug you. I felt trapped into this. I don't really care that much."

An absence of hugs also communicates. Even human psychology recognizes what God declared as true. "That their hearts may be encouraged, having been knit together in love" (Colossians 2:2). "Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity" (Colossians 3:14). Hugging promotes unity and trust by allowing and even welcoming another person into one's personal space. Without that expression of acceptance, trust is curtailed, acceptance is questioned, and the ability of the relationship to grow is hampered.

People come from different backgrounds and therefore different comfort levels and different expectations regarding physical touch. While Christians should grow into this aspect, it is important to be sensitive to other people's preferences and to the growth process. "Huggers" should not inundate "non-huggers" with frequent and lengthy hugs, while "non-huggers" should be sensitive to the needs and feelings of "huggers." It is important to note that meaningful hugs are an outgrowth of a meaningful relationship. Hugs without a supporting relationship have little meaning, but as a relationship becomes more established, hugs should become more frequent and more meaningful.

Many fellow Christians especially need hugs from their church family. There are widows and singles. There are people with alienated or unsaved family. Older couples, empty-nesters, and "church widows," (those whose husbands don't support them spiritually), need hugs. Children and teens need hugs. People who work in a secular workplace need hugs. Those who are sickly or shut in need hugs. Most people particularly welcome hugs in times of trial, bereavement, or tears.

Sometimes a brief hug is sufficient, while at other times a sustained hug is needed to do the job. Considering the positive and healthful benefits listed in the opening paragraph, believers should recognize hugging as a legitimate and valued Christian expression.  

"Let love of the brethren continue" (Hebrews 13:1).