Most of us have been actively dealing with the COVID-19
situation for nearly two months now, and it often seems there is no end in
sight. The hardest thing for me has been isolation. Even though I am working, I
have been separated from those who are most special to me. When I have needed
them most, I have missed my church family, which is the heart of my support
network.
That drives me deeper to God. He is the best source of
comfort, help, and strength, and He has been dear to me. I wish I could say I
have spent precious hours in His Word. I am finding verses to help me, for
sure, but in general the added pressures of work and living have limited my
energy for extended reading and study. I'm spending more time talking to God,
working through things, letting Him know about my day and my thoughts and
struggles. I have thrived most on music, listening to and playing hymns. There
is something about music that is soothing and comforting, and it helps me find
the words that my heart wants to say. Sometimes I just sit and listen to hymn
after hymn, allowing the truths they express to envelop me.
The isolation from church has in some ways contributed to
increasing closeness. I have talked with church friends almost daily, sometimes
praying, sometimes crying, sometimes sharing, sometimes listening. I have had cards,
texts, emails, and Facebook interaction. I've had more face-to-face contacts
than I would have expected. I've had people bring me food, acquire and deliver
medical supplies, and offer help. When I talk with church members, they often
mention others who have also ministered to them. Seeing the multiple ways in which
we have been able to care, support, and interact with each other even while
separated makes me love and appreciate my church even more.
My early response to the virus was disbelief. The far-away
situation seemed like it never would affect us. The initial responses seemed
extreme, even shocking, an extreme overreaction. I still pretty much feel that
way, but I also see the difficult position leaders are in when the American
public has the unreasonable expectation that leaders should prevent all deaths.
The attempt to accomplish that has been tumultuous and damaging.
When things got crazy, I quickly realized that my primary
challenge is figuring out how to live life as it currently exists. I don't mean
the practical things like grocery shopping; I mean responding mentally, emotionally,
spiritually. In order not to be completely overwhelmed, I need God desperately,
and I need His Word desperately. My primary focus in life has become seeking inner
stability. Sometimes I do okay with that, but lots of times I feel overwhelmed
- stabilized enough to continue on with life, but certainly not comfortable.
I have sometimes seen the need for humor or for something ordinary
to temporarily distract from the constant impact of the virus. Sometimes there
is the need to commiserate with friends, hearing their frustrations and fears
and sharing my own. And yes, sometimes there is frustration with leaders and
restrictions.
People respond differently. Sometimes that is based on their
situation in life. For example, some people are home right now with their
families and with extra time to relax. As far as life goes, they are surrounded
by love and even having special times that are helping them to get through the
difficulties. Since I don't have that, it is the primary focus of my
interactions with others. Whether by phone or Facebook, I am primarily seeking
to support and be supported because those are my only venues to do that.
Those who already have those basic needs met often come to
the phone or to Facebook with other needs and responses. If they have time off,
they also have plenty of time to be exposed to and consider other aspects of
this difficult time. May I refer to these as verbal barrages, political arguments,
and conspiracy theories? Frankly, those things are outside my capacity to deal
with and provide more overwhelming pressure. To me, it doesn't matter how this
started; it did start. My focus is on dealing with it.
Sometimes I call people to check on them or just to chat,
but it is likely that if I call, it is either because I am overwhelmed or
because I know I soon will be without interaction. I can't handle being more
overwhelmed by the content of the phone call. Same with Facebook. I want to see
friends' posts because they provide some level of connection with people, but the
rants and conspiracy theories drag me down.
I know people are on Facebook for various reasons. Some use
it primarily as a political platform. I usually don't follow those people,
because I am there primarily for connections with people. Lately,
political-type posts have been increasing, and I'm not saying no one should
share those things, but it does make it harder for me to have a support network
that doesn't overwhelm me. I want to have what I described earlier in this post
- a drawing closer rather than a pushing apart. Sadly, I feel like I'm
temporarily losing some of my friends when I need them most.
We all have to deal with pressures and frustrations. Some
people are responding with shootings and public threats - people who wouldn't
normally do such things, but they are currently pushed by overwhelming
pressures that cloud their responses. I understand that my friends also have
the same pressures; rather than shooting people, they are speaking or posting
frustration. So I cut them some slack, but God has taught me hard lessons that
make me prefer hurt and tears over frustration and anger. I realize this world
is not perfect, and that can be upsetting, but I'm a stranger here, trying to
reflect God during my earthly sojourn. I need support in doing that.
