Is Love a Need?

We’ve probably all heard the common statement that there is a God shaped-hole in every person, an emptiness that can be filled only by God. I know there are some Christians who don’t really like that statement; I’m not sure I remember exactly what they don’t like about it, but I think it has to do with the statement’s potential for minimizing the necessity for God or trivializing the magnitude of salvation. I think we can all understand, however, what is intended by the statement. Man without God is constantly searching for something without knowing what it is he seeks; his quest will never be satisfied until he finds God, because God is the only answer to man’s greatest needs.

I would like to give my own variation of that statement. I believe there is a love-shaped hole in every person. The picture presented by my version isn’t quite right. Better wording might refer to man is a love-starved sponge. Without love, man is missing something essential. He is like a dried-up sponge with no vitality. When we think of the necessities of life, we think of food, clothing, and shelter – things that man cannot live without. I believe love needs to be added to that list. Love is a fundamental need.

I don’t think I’m making up any of the evidence to follow. Consider children who are behavior problems, whether mildly as class clowns or to the more extreme level of involvement in gangs and violence. Do we not find that these children are often crying out for someone to love them? Think of how many criminals you’ve heard about who describe a childhood without love. Why will young ladies go home with a guy they meet in a bar or marry someone they barely know after meeting him on the Internet or in a singles’ club? Why will they marry abusive men, men with criminal records, and so on? It is because they are looking for love and are settling for the best they can find; sadly, some of them are glad to have found something that resembles love better than anything in their previous experience. Why do single people (or those without significant others) have a shorter life expectancy than married people? Why does it seem a widow or widower often dies shortly after the death of the spouse? Why did hospitals start encouraging parents and nurses to hold preemies rather than the previous tendency to keep them in isolation? All of these evidence a conscious or unconscious display of the importance of love.

God made humans as social beings. He made us to give and receive love. Man, by his very nature, seeks love. He will seek it from friends, family, parents, spouses, and children. Some even seek it from a dog or other creature. Man will receive some love from any or all of those sources. That love (within proper boundaries) is good. That love, however, will never completely satisfy. Each of those relationships is both temporary and imperfect. People will eventually die or move away. People will change, sometimes becoming involved with new people or activities or even abandoning those who were previously important to them. Every human relationship will at times disappoint, and no relationship will completely satisfy.

Man is left then with a hunger for love. Ultimately, no human or combination of humans can meet the need for love. As hard as he seeks, and as many relationships as he pursues, man will not find completely satisfying love until he finds it in God. The fact that God answers the need for love only makes sense. After all, God defines Himself as being love. “God is love” (I John 3:8). Finding God is finding love. We might assert that man’s greatest need is salvation. In considering whether it is salvation or love that man needs, it is interesting to note that God’s gift of salvation is, in fact, the greatest expression of God’s love. “By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love . . . that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (I John 3:9-10). God’s love and salvation are so closely linked that they cannot be separated.

Salvation, however, is just the beginning of finding God’s love. We need to be always growing in knowing the love of God - always getting deeper into His boundless love. Sadly, we often don’t appreciate or crave God’s love like we should. Perhaps we are content with the partial satisfaction found in the love of others. Maybe we are too busy seeking it elsewhere. It is even possible that we simply have no idea of how great God’s love is, and therefore we are unaware that there is anything more to seek.

I recently listened to a series of lessons that Nancy Leigh DeMoss taught on the Song of Solomon. She titled the series How to Fall and Stay in Love with Jesus. I wouldn’t teach the book quite the same way she did, but she was definitely on target with the main idea. The relationship between Christ and the Christian should be incredibly sweet. The love God has for us is limitless and the potential for an intimate relationship with Him is profound. No other relationship and no other pursuit is more important than knowing God and His love. This pursuit is worthy of our time and effort. We need to grow both in knowing God’s love and in loving Him more. In spite of our greatest efforts, we will still fall short of loving God properly and understanding His love, but thankfully God will never fall short in loving us or in acting on that love. As humans, we need and seek love, and the love of God is sufficient to meet our deepest need.

“And that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17b-19 (NASB)