Hidden Love

"Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed" (Proverbs 27:5).

I might be tempted to say that open rebuke is better than whispered gossip or unexpressed dissatisfaction. If someone is upset with me, generally I want to take care of the issue rather than having it hidden and unresolved. Actually, though, I don't like any kind of rebuke. It is unpleasant and can be hurtful.

The above verse, however, does not center on the idea of rebuke, but rather on the idea of love. It is addressing the unpleasant and hurtful nature of concealed love. Love that is hidden is such a strong negative that even rebuke is preferable.

How can this be? It is because love is so powerful and so desired. There are people who grow up with and are surrounded by love; these people feel loved and acknowledge such. A lot of the world, however, does not fall into that category. Many people live with abuse and cruelty. Other people had love at one time, but are now widowed or empty nesters or neglected. A large segment of society lives in otherwise acceptable circumstances that are devoid of expressed love and appreciation. These people may actually be loved, but they don't know it. They are not given enough manifestations or reminders of that love for love to seem real to them.

This sense of being unloved, or the uncertainty about whether or not one is loved, is deeply painful and troubling. Those who feel unloved struggle in society. They battle issues like depression. They seek love in wrong places, such as illicit relationships or through lowered standards. They seek love in futile places, such as television characters or books, or by "buying" friends with gifts.

Love - more specifically, the awareness of being loved - is a huge deal. Being without love is tragic. Being unaware of love is deeply painful. The Bible is not wrong when it says that open rebuke is better than concealed love. Frankly, some people would be glad for the rebuke just to have someone speak to them or take notice of them.

As Christians, we ought to be good at expressing our love to each other. Those around us should not feel that we are detached, calloused, or ambivalent. Those closest to us should not doubt whether we love them. Our love should be open, active, and obvious.

Expressed love is important to the recipient.
Many times we will not realize how much someone needs love. Those feeling alone and unloved don't necessarily display or telegraph their need in an obvious way. They often put on a happy face, or at least carry a normal-looking protective shield that masks their pain.

Recently I wrote a citation at work, recommending a coworker who is excellent at her job. She was advised of the nomination, and when I got to work the next day, I had a thank you note from her. It turns out that she was very much in need of the encouragement, and her note was quite expressive of gratitude for the way I had ministered to her. I didn't even do it with the purpose of ministry and had no idea that she was in a position where my kind words would mean so much to her. But having just considered the verse above, I saw the situation as a powerful illustration of how much people need kindness and love to be expressed to them.

Our words and deeds can mean so much to others and can have a value that we did not imagine. "Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances" (Proverbs 25:11)

Expressed love is important to the observers.
The recipient of love is not the only person to whom expressed love matters. Most of the time our acts of love and words of kindness will be heard and seen by others. Within the context of the church, it is that visible love for each other that serves as the strongest testimony to the world.

"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love one for another" (John 13:34). Love that is not hidden draws the attention of onlookers. It speaks volumes about the relationships and security that exist within the body of Christ. It attracts those who desperately desire love by showing them that there is a setting where true love happens.

Expressed love is important to God.
Loving one another is the oft-repeated commandment of God throughout the New Testament. Our love for one another is actually an expression of our love for God. "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments" (John 14:15). Our love for God motivates to keep His commandment of loving others, and God is pleased when we do so.

When we keep our love hidden, God is displeased. "The one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen" (I John 4:20). How it must grieve the heart of God to see His children craving love, but receiving no expressions of love from fellow believers!

"Fervently love one another from the heart" (I Peter 1:22). How do we know who most needs love? We probably don't, but we can love anyone. When we express our love to someone who already feels loved, that person will have even more love to pass on to others. When we express our love to someone who desperately craves it, we can make a huge difference, changing his day or even changing his life. In both cases, we strengthen the bond of Christian family that exists between us.

Open rebuke may be painful, but that pain is often somewhat expected, because it comes from supervisors or adversaries. Hidden love is more painful, because it comes from friends and family from whom love is expected but not given. Hidden love leaves people hurting; expressed love brings great joy.