Weakness

Lately I've been very aware of my own weakness, and not just physically, though that has been true. Socially I've struggled with misjudging people and causing awkwardness in relationships. Partly due to the effects of my illness, I've found it challenging to build new relationships or to maintain existing ones. Emotionally I'm aware of how easily I can be overwhelmed and held down by the troubles of life. It's difficult to be joyful and at peace - and even harder to be consistent in those. Spiritually I struggle to keep my gaze on God in the midst of difficulties and to let His truth sustain me. Victory seems elusive, as does the capacity to rely on my all-sufficient God instead of people.

In each of these areas and more, I find myself struggling - over and over again. I am weak. I choose the word weakness instead of failure, although certainly there have been failures. Failure merely implies that I have messed up again, that I've had another incident of blowing it. Weakness further reveals that I don't even have the capacity for doing the right thing. This is where my recent awareness has grown. I realize that it is not in me to do what I ought to do or to be what I ought to be. Due to my human weakness, I simply am unable.

A recent message from Philippians 3 helped and encouraged me, as it touched on many truths that God has been bringing to my attention in recent months. Many of these truths have something to do with weakness. "We are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh" (v. 3). Because my flesh is weak, it is certainly not worthy of my confidence. Paul goes on to list all that he could have had confidence in - his heritage, his training, his passion, his reputation. Those things are not his confidence; as a Christian, my confidence cannot rest in such things either. Even if I were not weak, even if I were successful at everything I tried, that would not be a reason for confidence or standing before God. So maybe it's better that I perceive my weakness so that at least I am closer to realizing my actual condition. It is right that I do not trust in my own abilities or achievements; anytime I start to do so, I am failing to remember how weak I am.

"And may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith" (v. 9). Since I am so weak, what a wonderful truth it is that my standing before God is not dependent upon my own strength. If I had to work for it and be successful at jumping through the right hoops, I would be hopelessly and miserably lost. Praise God, it is not dependent on me! When I trust God in faith, He gives me the righteousness of His Son. No other way could I ever come close to hoping to stand before God. My weakness illustrates my need for God's righteousness, and His righteousness is exalted when it does for me what is absolutely impossible for me to do on my own.

"That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death" (v. 10). Weakness and suffering are not synonymous, but they do often come hand-in-hand. Suffering can both cause weakness and can also reveal the weakness that already exists. Such suffering has a purpose. When I suffer, which inevitably shows my weakness, I am learning about Christ. I am sharing something of what He suffered as a man of sorrows. I am being drawn to Him and driven to seek Him. In the process I come to know Him more fully. Rarely can people fully understand these struggles or the condition of my soul in them, which can leave me feeling isolated. When I go to God in that isolation, to the only one who can truly understand my soul, I realize that God is really all I need, and He alone can meet my needs. Times of struggle and suffering bind me to the heart of God as He walks through those times with me, sustains me through them, and reveals Himself to me in the midst of them. My weakness is not without purpose. It serves to pull me to exactly the one place and the one person that I really need.

"Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (v. 12-14). These final verses give some perspective regarding weakness. Even Paul with all of his achievements was not perfect. He still had weaknesses in his flesh and things for which to strive. This realization helps with the discouragement that can come with weakness. Instead of letting his episodes or demonstrations of weakness defeat him, Paul put those behind him and just kept reaching forward, striving to grow in Christ, in really knowing Him, and in living for Him. So even if my life has lately been filled with and characterized by weakness, that does not mean I have to be forever bound by that weakness. It does not mean that I can never do anything right going forward. Every day is a new day. God can forgive any sin, heal any wound, and give a fresh start. Today I can rest in His strength, and my knowledge of Him can empower me to move on and to live right.

Recently someone at church told me (to my amazement) that she sees me as strong and admires my strength in the midst of difficulty. With this recent keen awareness of my weakness, I was able to sincerely say, "If you see any strength, it is God's, because I don't have any." That is true. Paul himself said exactly the same thing in II Corinthians 12:9-10. Such a weak vessel only serves to highlight the strength of God that shines through it.

Yes, I am weak. I have nothing to boast about. The good news is that my standing does not depend on my own strength, but on the righteousness of Christ. My weakness has a purpose as God draws me to Himself through it. My past weakness need not control my life, but I can strive each new day to do what is right. My weakness is a showcase for God's strength to be revealed and an opportunity for His grace to be magnified.

"He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power." Isaiah 40:29 (NASB)

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 (NASB)